Your experiences
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The arrival of a second child can raise a wide range
of issues. In this section parents talk about how it
has affected them, their first child and family relationships.
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"I felt that the family would not
be complete without a second child. I had
Marie 2 years and 2 months after Emma. While
I had been warned about jealousy nothing
really prepared me for the reaction of Emma
to Marie. We tried to prepare her for a
new child and she seemed excited, but the
first year was very hard. I couldn't leave
them together for any length of time; Emma
was always trying to harm her in some way.
This was very hard practically, it made
preparing meals a practical impossibility
unless I wheeled the pram into the kitchen
and left Emma in the lounge. Also it was
upsetting because I had partly had Marie
for Emma's sake. Now things are much better,
but it was a tough year."
"My child minder advised me to leave
a three year gap between children. She said
two years was harder because two-year-olds
are notoriously difficult and cannot really
be reasoned with. I have taken her advice!"
"Two years seems the prefect gap from
a child's perspective. The age difference
is not so great and they can do things together,
but it's blooming hard work for the parents."
"I had my second child largely against
my husband's advice, I was an old mum and
we had no family close by. I really didn't
want to have a single child though and I
don't regret my decision. However, my elder
daughter was suitably underwhelmed when
I bought the baby home. 'I'd rather have
had a horse' she announced, luckily they
get on fine now!"
"When my second daughter was born
I worried about how I would love her like
I loved my first?"
"It was such a shock with the second
one. I worried about how I would be organised
enough to get out in the morning"
"Our problem is that since Keira (the
youngest) has been able to move she has
been the difficult one. Elliot is very placid
but gets very annoyed with Keira at times.
Keira is very strong willed, noisy and can
be very difficult when suited. She is also
a little gem at times. It seems she does
things on purpose to annoy her older brother
and also her parents!!! She is very intelligent
and knows how to get her own way"
"Neither one of our two children likes
the other spending time with one of us. We
therefore try to separate them as much as
possible to give them 100% attention each."
"I have twins of 2½ and a 1 year
old baby. Everyone said I was mad to want
another when the twins were so young but I
think having the baby has made it easier in
a funny way. The older two enjoy her most
of the time although they do fight with her
too. She is "their baby" too. When
people say 'are they all yours?' I'm proud
to say yes. I get them all into the bath together
put the baby to bed and then read to the others
before they sleep. Then the evening is mine
to do the housework, watch TV etc."
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PARENTLINE PLUS
Parentline Plus gives parents somewhere to
turn before a problem becomes a crisis. They
provide help and information to anyone looking
after a child.
If you don't feel able to talk to those around
you try calling Parentline Plus free helpline
where you can talk to someone in confidence
about your worries.
Free helpline: 0808 800 2222
Free textphone helpline: 0800 783 6783
(for people with hearing or speech impairment)
Parentline Plus also offers information
on parenting courses.
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www.parentlineplus.org.uk
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