In this section parents share their own experiences of dealing with their children's difficult or antisocial behaviour. We hope that parents may take some comfort from finding other people who are coping with the same situation.

	"My 5 year old son has been caught a few times naked with male friends. They are "just looking" (my son is not circumsiced, so his is not typically different). We've spoken to him about privacy and how this is not appropriate play - but it has happened again. Note - we were careful not to scare the poor child about this behaviour, but our initial approach obviously has not worked. Any tips? Is this truly typical for a boy his age?" "Our grandson all of a sudden has started back talking and saying nasty things. He's very smart and knows what he's saying is wrong. He's received time outs for his behavior and we tell him it's not exceptable in our house. He's 2 1/2 years old and just started day care for two days. He listens to the teachers but does not participate in activities with the other children, just goes off by himself. Also doesn't play with other children. He will have a sibling in about two months and we are worried. What can we do???" "He is such a different child at home, not quiet and well behaved!" "It isn't that we don't discipline her. She just looks at you as if to say - So What!" "I couldn't believe the first time Isobelle (20 months) bit her 'best friend'. I was so upset. Every time she came back from the childminders I dreaded it. Had she bitten her again? I seriously thought about taking her away from the childminder for a while, till we sorted out the biting, but luckily my childminder was relaxed about it and even luckier, so was the mother of the child being bitten! It took about 2 months for her to grow out of it. I tried to follow advice and make a fuss of the child who was bitten, rather than tell off Isobelle, but this was really difficult, as all I wanted to do was to yell at her! As I knew the signs I used to follow her round at playgroups to prevent any incidents but it was harder for my childminder as she had more than one child to keep an eye on. I don't think she was doing it to get attention…she was with me 90% of waking hours…I think it was her way of reacting to situations when she was frustrated, but maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, thank god she has now grown out of it." "My elder girl only bit her younger sister, no one else. This was particularly difficult, as I wanted her to love and adore her new sister rather than hurt her. I am sure it was a jealousy thing and I tried very hard to give her extra attention, but to be honest only time has helped. I think she just needed time to adjust to having a new sister around and no quick fix was going to work." "My child was a biter. It got so bad that we avoided social groups for six months. I couldn't cope with the looks from other mums. What was worse was that at other times I'd been one of those mums thinking why can't she control that child!" "Hannah (2 in March 2001) is fantastic and very well behaved 90% of the time (particularly good in restaurants, thank goodness, although it's because she loves food so much!). However, she seems to be naughty in places where she knows I can't do anything about her behaviour - church for instance. I see other children her age and younger sitting angelically, quietly colouring, while Hannah sings at the top of her voice, shouts things at me like "Mummy, what's happened to my bottom?" (she seems to articulate particularly clearly at the wrong times) and is generally uncontrollable. Any of my efforts to make her quiet have the opposite effect and draw more attention to us, and I'm sure people think my lovely daughter is badly behaved generally which isn't the case at all. I keep waiting for her to grow out of it, but I don't think she will in the near future, somehow. Very stressful."

Not naughty, but normal

This free leaflet, published by the NSPCC, offers advice on bringing up toddlers, with a focus on how challenging behaviour is a normal expression of their changing needs as they develop

The leaflet can be downloaded at www.nspcc.org.uk

If you find you are struggling with any aspect of parenting including behavioural problems you can find help and support through the following organisations:

SUPPORT LINKS

	PARENTLINE PLUS Parentline Plus gives parents somewhere to turn before a problem becomes a crisis. They provide help and information to anyone looking after a child. If you don't feel able to talk to those around you try calling Parentline Plus free helpline where you can talk to someone in confidence about your worries. Free helpline: 0808 800 2222 Free textphone helpline: 0800 783 6783 (for people with hearing or speech impairment) Parentline Plus also offers information on parenting courses. www.parentlineplus.org.uk HOME-START UK This is a voluntary organisation in which volunteers offer regular support, friendship and practical help to young families under stress in their own homes. 2 Salisbury Rd Leicester LE1 7QR 0116 233 9955 www.home-start.org.uk

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