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Coping alone



One this page we share one Dad's experience of coping alone together with information and contact details for a number of excellent support organisations.

Please share your experiences with other dads by emailing: contributions@forparentsbyparents.co.uk.


"When people end relationships, it only affects each other!, but when parents end relationships it affecting children too!

I live over 100 miles away from my son, and it's still hard for him to understand why his Mam & Dad don't live together anymore!

At 4 years old, you can't imagine how to explain that Mam & Dad don't want to live together anymore! Yet alone hope he understands. You can't assume that whether or not you are married or just living with someone and have children that you will stay together for the sake of the children as I feel this can make matters worse for both yourselves and your children. It's better that you have two happy homes, than one where their parents constantly argue.

Being this far away means that many problems and accidents have to be sweated out with only words of comfort and support offered. Whenever my son falls of his bike or gets a black eye you want to be there, but can't! Possibly the worst case was when my son's mother phoned to say he had swallowed a marble and had gone blue in the face as a result, and one of the neighbours had to help it on it's way!

I get to see my son as often as possible! I get on very well his mother at the moment, as I've just had two operations to remove Cancer! This has brought us all closer together as we both realise I might not see my son grow up!

Explaining why Daddy is not well is very hard! It's bad enough not being able to talk properly, this after having most of my tongue removed through Cancer so that it's difficult for him to understand me! But trying to explain that Dad's had Cancer that's one you can't broach!

Whenever I had my son on visits and had hospital appointments that clash I've taken him along with me, partly because when he came to visit me in hospital he wouldn't be frightened. Also with community nurses visiting to change dressings regularly he wouldn't be upset by my scars! He also knew which dressing went on at what stage.

When or how we tell our son why we don't live together and why Daddy can't talk properly, only time will tell!. During convalescence, there was only one motivation! I couldn't imagine telling him Daddy was going away and not coming back!"



National charity Parentline Plus has found through their numerous services that there are literally thousands of parents looking for support through a family divorce and/or separation, and in particular co-parenting post separation. Over 42% of calls made their Helpline are regarding problems around divorce and separation and its impact on children which is why they are launching a new campaign called Contact Counts.

Contact Counts aims to help parents reduce the potential harm of disputes about contact by offering tips and hints and someone to talk to 24-hours a day, whilst encouraging parents to negotiate contact arrangements constructively with each other, turning to legal procedures only as a last resort.

Visit www.parentlineplus.org.uk for more information including a number of leaflets you can download.



SUPPORT LINKS


Dads UK is a help line for single fathers. There are no group meetings, instead, there is help from contacts over the phone, many of which are other men in your area who have life experience with which to give you advice, or to just listen.

Alternatively, you can join in their new online discussion forum for some instant advice - you'll need to register, which is free, to take part.

They also operate a telephone help line on 07092 391489 which is open Monday to Friday between the hours of 11.00 am and 10.00 pm and 2.00 pm and 6.00 pm at the weekend.

www.dads-uk.co.uk



Fathers 4 Justice give advice and support to DADS with contact and residence problem's and promote the idea of shared parenting after family breakdown.

www.fathers-4-justice.org


HOME-START

This is a voluntary organisation in which volunteers offer regular support, friendship and practical help to young families under stress in their own homes.

2 Salisbury Rd
Leicester, LE1 7QR

0116 233 9955

www.home-start.org.uk


Tell us your experience now

Please find an appropriate forum to post your views, or respond to other people.


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